Compulsive Eating

I guess the good news is that I notice myself doing it. The bad thing is that I can't control it quite yet. I made Christmas cookies for my parents neighbours, of course, I taste tested my product - as a good chef would do. I became osessed over these little lime meltaways. They weren't even that good. I just kept going back for another one and another one until I had eaten about 10 of them - maybe more. I felt sick, but then I felt like I needed to eat - I guess that's what they call a trigger food. So I ate wassa bread with hummus and cheese - a good meal, but I ate twice as much as I should have. Still, I wanted to eat, so I ate grapes - way too many of them. Then after a couple hours of fighting the urge to puke, I gave in and puked.

Then I went down and ate half a slice of meatloaf - and puked that up. Then after dinner, I snacked on some pistachios and was able to control the portion, but I still felt like snacking. I gravitated towards the meltaways - I wanted some so badly. This broken one kept calling to me to be eaten. What is the deal with that? Ididn't eat it - only because my sister stoped me though...

147.5lbs - Minus 58lbs

I have been trying really hard lately to eat my protien and still am not getting enough in. I really enjoy having oatmeal in the morning but it doesn't have any protien. My hair is getting quite thin - luckily it started off really, really thick. I also need to exersize. I think about it every day but haven't been doing it. TODAY! I will do a tape while Wyatt is napping.

What Have I Been Eating

South Beach Diet Deli Wraps. I normally try to eat just one wrap for lunch. Its got a lot of protien. Yesterday I had a Lean Pocket - I was surprised how low in fat it was and high in protien. It didn't really agree with me - I didn't vomit, but I felt bloated. 1 pc of whole wheat bread with low fat herbed cream cheese and sliced turkey. YUM. Umm what else do I have for lunch or dinner? Oh - one egg and 3 slices of turkey bacon for breakfast, or half a packet of oatmeal with sugar and milk and then half a container of light and fit yogurt.

Snacks: I haven't been and I need to - I need to add protien since my hair has begun falling out. Bag girl! I have been trying to drink a glass of mikl though. I just hate those shakes.

Dinner - mmmm - tonight I had a lamb tenderloin with mint jelly. Yummy. I love the lamb! So does Wyatt - which is good he's keeping in tradition with a good Aussie meal.

I was eating those 100 cal museli bars, but got sick of them, plus they really don't have any nutritional value. I have had a cookie this week - didn't like it. Plus I also tasted everyone's bread final. Didn't eat later that night - so that's very naughty - NEED PROTIEN!! I'm trying though. I should start recording my protien intake and then make adjustments. Maybe when I go on vacation I can start that. Too busy right now.

149.5! 56 pounds lost

I am so excited. I have finally reached the 140s. I am hoping to reach 145 by New Years Eve. So I have to lose .5 - 1lb a week for the next 6 weeks. I am going to be so happy if I can do it!

Me at 151 - minus 54 pounds

Halloween Costume?

I went as a chef. I haven't lost any weight since the last time I blogged 1.5 weeks ago - that's crazy. I thought it been a month or something like that. I'm so spoiled with losing weight so fast that it seems like an eternity since my last pound came off. I just had company for the week end so I didn't eat very well - oh well.

53lbs Lost - Current Weight 152.5lbs

Things have been going well lately. I've been drinking a lot of tea, eating Chewy Granola Bars, beef jerky, ummm and what else this week? I forget...I suppose that's the way it goes. I don't think about food very much - just enough to get my protien and that's it. I can't beleive it. kOh! Bananas - I've been eating bananas and avocado. I did order baked beans at a resturant last week and threw them all up. I guess you can never be sure what is going to agree with you. I should have known better - plus I ate undercooked broccoli which doesn't like me very much yet. I'm going to keep trying though - luckily I don't mind vomitting.

What's On The Menu Now?

I am mostly eating normal food these days. I did get a few post-op cookbooks and they have helped tremendously as far as ideas of what and how much I should eat I have been eating veggies and fruit too! I still can't eat tomotoes without throwing up - the skin doesn't settle in my tummy.

I also had three glasses of wine on Friday. All red wine - pinot to be specific. I had the three glasses over a 6 hr period. I was buzzed, but didn't get sick or anything. So that's nice for me - to be able to have a drink on occaission.

I've been eating lamb and chicken without any problem and enjoying cheese and milk - dso no lactose issues. Its all very exciting. I have been splitting a South Beach meal with Wyatt for dinner and that's awesome since I don't have to do dishes afterwatds and we both get a healthy meal.

50 pounds!

I can't beleive it! I have lost 50 pounds! Isn't that amazing?! I could never have done it without the surgery. I now weigh 155.5lbs. I remember weighing this when we lived in San Fran. Of course, I was depressed and not happy to be 155. I was struggling with my weight even then - and that was 8yrs ago. That really puts it into perspective - how long I've been battling my weight.

Now I feel like I am on the homestretch to succeess. It feels good to be this weight and still have the energy to keep going. Every 10 pounds that comes off will feel amazing. I can't wait for the next 10pounds to drop - I am hoping I can drop them by Christmas. The surgeon said my weight loss should slow down quite a bit now and to expect approx 18pounds to drop over the next 3 months - that was a week ago and I've already dropped 1.5 pounds.

Surgeon was happy with my progress and my bloodwork came back saying that my vitamin and mineral levels were looking healthy - that's good news. Sometimes I choke down my pills.

Here's a list of the pills I take every day.
Morning: 2 calcium pills, 1 x50mg zoloft (I am on the lowest dose now, which is good news), 1 prilosec pill, 1 colace pill(to make bowel movements easier.)
Evening: 1 multivitamin for women plus 1 iron pill (the iron pills make me feel sick, so I take them at night. Plus you can't take iron and calcium together as they negate each other.)

Half Way There! 45lbs Lost.

After 45lbs lost. I'm 160.5lbs though. I still have another 45 to lose before I will be in the middle of a healthy weight range for my hieght. My legs are disgusting! From my waiste to my knees HAS to be where the next pounds come from.
The next one after 30lbs lost.


The beginning - fatty boomsticks!

10.5 Weeks - minus 44 pounds

Shit! I should have read my last post. Not sure if I said that I ordered books on emaotional eating and post-op cook books. I just got the emotional eating books and am excited about reading them. I've been throwing up way too much lately.

I need to get to the gym! At least I will be swimming with Wyatt tomorrow night and mowing the lawn on Sunday. Wyatt and I will go walking on Sat morning before my training.

I'm going through a stage where all I've been eating is Vietnamese chicken soup. It last me 4 meals. It helped me lose some pounds faster too.

I know there was something else I wanted to write, but I can't remember now.

I'm a Little Lost

I got to 40lbs on Tuesday morning, but this morning the scale says I'm at 37 again! Not sure what the deal is. I've been eating healthy. I haven't been drinking as much as I should. Its hard to get the liquids in when I am at school as we're not allowed to have drinks in class. Ive also been enjoying a couple cups of tea each day. One in the morning and one in the evening after dinner. I think I'm going to start my periods though - that could be the issue...

I miss veggies. I am going to start trying to eat soft cooked veggies this evening. Some people Iknow are already eating salads (raw veggies) but I am afraid to in case I get sick.

Today I threw up a few times. I guess I ate my 2 tablespoons of chicken breast and 1 tablespoon of avocado too quickly. I still feel queezy - I ate that 6 hrs ago!

Sometimes when I eat I feel guilty if I don't get sick afterwards. I did eat 1/2 a cookie a couple days ago and I tolderated it - that scared the heck out of me. I'd feel better if I had gotten violently ill afterwards. A lot of people at the support group told me that its okay to eat things in moderation, then the other half says to treat yourself like an alcoholic and to stay away from sugar etc...

So...I'm a little lost. I suppose I shouldn't have tried the cookie - but after 2 months I found the temptation too much...I threw them all out.

7 weeks and -37lbs

Yesterday was my 7 week anniversary. I've lost 37 pounds. So that's 22lbs in the first two weeks and then 3lbs per week since. This week has been hard as we've been running lots of errands getting ready for Eric's departure. He's been eating out a lot. Today I didn't eat until 5pm and then I overate by a ounce or so. I've been vomitting since.

Its hard to gauge how much. I really wasn't hungry today, but then when I got off from school and realized Eric wasn't comming home, I wanted to eat. This is one of those things I need to get a grip on. Definately a reason I put on the weight - I'm an emotional eater.

My energy seems to be almost 100% again. I think I am going to try out a trip to the gym tomorrow. That's exciting. I'd love to lose 3 lbs this week for a total of 40. That might be unrealistic, but its fun to hope.

I've been worrying about saggy skin. My legs seem to be the worst. I don't know if the military will operate on my legs. I do know they will give me tummy tuck after one year. I am hoping that I am near my goal at 1 year (-100lbs) and that I can have the cosmetic surgeries before Eric comes home on mid-tour next summer...

5 week anniversary

Today is my 5 week anniversary. I am oficially at 30.5lbs lost. I can't believe it's onlt been 5 weeks. It feels like it should be 5 months with the amount of weight I've lost.

I'm going to a support group tonight. I'm going to try to go twice a month. Its nice to hear what other people have to say and share ideas - epsecially about what you can eat!! LOL

I ate 3 tablespoons of oatmeal for breakfast this morning with a teaspoon of sugar. Yummy! I'm waiting form teh 30 mins to be over so I can have a drink! I'm thirsty! Its going to take some time to get used to not drinking with my meals or 30 mins before and after them.

Scars

I have 6 yucky scar sites. Here are a few for you to feast your eyes on.

Throwing Up

Things have been going pretty well. I was in a lot of pain for the first 4 weeks and very tired. I hated crushing up my medication and eating it with apple sauce! I decided to cut back on the Prilosec as I was taking 4 Tums per day for calcium in addition to drinking Mylanta for gas. Turns out that my decision was a really bad one as the Prilosec also cures ulcers. I was in pain because I had a big, fat ulcer! Stupid me! Anyway, after doubling up on the Prilosec I am feeling much better.

This week has been an adventure. Just as my ulcer get better I began to think to myself that I was in the clear and I actaully began to worry that I was able to drink too much. On Friday morning I drank 8oz of Gatorade and then soon after drank 8oz of protien shake. As it registered that I had drank my shake on the 20 minute drive without a problem, I began to worry that my stomach had stretched. After all, I am only supposed to be able to drink 4 oz in 30 minutes.

About 1 hour later, my stomach began to violently cramp and a ran for the closest drop toilet! (YUK) My body expelled everything, every which way, several times over. Hmmm - this is what is know as Dumping Syndrome. I hadn't experience it before and am not looking forward to ever experiencing it again! I had sweats, shaking, dizziness - it was horrible.

Yesterday and today I have also thrown up during the mornings and then as the day wears on I am able to stomach and few tablespoons of food.

Well, at least I know my tummy hasn't stretched!

Almost 5 weeks Post-Op - 175.5pounds (30 lost)

Pre-Op 205.5lbs (BEFORE)

Getting Very Nervous

Well surgery is only a few days away and I am really nervous. I am not sure what I'm nervous about though. I guess a part of me is worried about something going wrong on the operating table and a part of me is worried about pain post - surgery. I think I am also worried about my success afterwards. NOthing else has ever worked - long term. I am afraid that I will be one of those people who will regain the weight in 5 yrs...

Through Thick and Thin

Its been a months since I walked into my Dr's office and asked to be referred for a gastric bypass. I met with the surgeon 2 weeks ago. He explained all the pros and cons to having the surgery done. I still wanted the proceedure. So I was told I'd have to complete several evaluations before I could get a surgical date.

1. Psych exam - which I had today. I found out that I have to have a follow up in 1 month! I am so upset that it will be another month before I can even get a date for the surgery!

2.) Gastric Bypass class - Wednesday

3.) Nutrition Class - Thursday

4.) Follow up with the surgeon

I have no idea if there are other appointments that I'll have to book after these ones. All I know is that these are the only ones I can book at this time.

I want to hurry up and get the surgery. I feel disgusting! I am at my heaviest. I haven't been this uncomfortable in years. I can't beleive I operated at this weight for so long when I was in Tampa. I can't begin losing weight because I am right on the edge of qualifying for the surgery. Its horrible and frustrating. I am afraid that I will maintain this weight for another few months only to be turned down for the procedure.

The only thing that gives me hope is that I will get the surgery and thiswill be a horrible memory at some point.