I'm a Little Lost

I got to 40lbs on Tuesday morning, but this morning the scale says I'm at 37 again! Not sure what the deal is. I've been eating healthy. I haven't been drinking as much as I should. Its hard to get the liquids in when I am at school as we're not allowed to have drinks in class. Ive also been enjoying a couple cups of tea each day. One in the morning and one in the evening after dinner. I think I'm going to start my periods though - that could be the issue...

I miss veggies. I am going to start trying to eat soft cooked veggies this evening. Some people Iknow are already eating salads (raw veggies) but I am afraid to in case I get sick.

Today I threw up a few times. I guess I ate my 2 tablespoons of chicken breast and 1 tablespoon of avocado too quickly. I still feel queezy - I ate that 6 hrs ago!

Sometimes when I eat I feel guilty if I don't get sick afterwards. I did eat 1/2 a cookie a couple days ago and I tolderated it - that scared the heck out of me. I'd feel better if I had gotten violently ill afterwards. A lot of people at the support group told me that its okay to eat things in moderation, then the other half says to treat yourself like an alcoholic and to stay away from sugar etc...

So...I'm a little lost. I suppose I shouldn't have tried the cookie - but after 2 months I found the temptation too much...I threw them all out.